TOON HAAL – The Shetland Islands Council today has been praised by the United Nations, Oxfam and Ertie fae Roe after successfully solving global climate change problem.
The praise comes after top SIC scientists discovered that the sole cause of global warming was, in fact, rural Italian restaurants.
The discovery was made after a local man applied for planning permission for an Italian eatery between Voe and Brae. As with all planning applications in Shetland, ultra-competent experts pore over the fine detail of the submission to assess whether or not it should go ahead.
While undergoing thorough examination, Shetland’s top planning scientists (also MENSA members) discovered the shocking truth: it’s not the enormous, sprawling, spluttering oil and gas terminals up in Sullom Voe that damages our environment – it’s Italian eateries!
Upon this news breaking, Downing Street issued an effective ban on Italian restaurants and ordered and existing eateries be demolished.
The SIC are attending an event in New York later this week to accept their ‘Best People In The Whole World’ award for their triumphant efforts in saving the universe.