Support for Coastguard Station closure skyrockets after Captain Calamity is released from jail

LERWICK SHERIFF COURT – The UK Government were finally given the go-ahead to close the Shetland Coastguard Station, after receiving thousands of messages of support from Shetlanders.

The action comes after Captain Calamity was released from jail, serving a 16-day stint for general tomfoolery and skylarking.

Isles MP Alistair Carmichael even performed a U-turn by backing the closure, despite being the primary reason the station was saved during the Coalition Government. In a short statement to the Bonxie, he said: ‘I can see the benefits of the Isles not having a Coastguard station for the next few weeks.’

In an outpouring of sympathy for the imprisoned 73-year old self-styled Shetland Independence campaigner, the Shetland community have been raising money to purchase Mr Calamity a new boat.

In unrelated news, Hurricane Harry is set to hit Shetland for the next two or three weeks.

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