HMP GRAMPIAN – Local man Trevor Johnson has today announced his intention to give up growing cannabis to relieve his back pain and instead take up getting pissed, fighting people down the pub.
His comments come after his third arrest for growing the illegal drug. He claimed that he was using the drug, known for it’s health benefits, to relieve back pain that doctors have so far been unable to fix. We spoke to Mr Johnson, who was carrying a 12 pack of red tins:
“If I’m gonna get punished by the sheriff I might as well have fun and tear shit up while I’m at it,” he said. “And I’ll almost certainly get a more lenient sentence.” proclaimed Johnson.
Sheriff Cilit Ban said he was glad to see the man was moving from the world of hard crime to committing softer offences.
“You’re heading in the right direction,” he told the man. “Alcohol is a legal drug, and one of the best. If only more people would realise this instead of insisting upon harvesting the planet’s natural resources I might get more time off.”