Shetland to avoid scurvy epidemic as boat brings fruit and veg

LERWICK – Local doctors are confident there will be no epidemic of scurvy in Shetland as the isles prepare to accept fresh fruit and vegetables for the first time in days.

Shelves in Lerwick supermarkets have been bare after NorthLink’s ferries were ruled out of action due to holidays and windy weather.

However, the north boat is due to dock in Lerwick today, leading some local GPs to dismiss speculation that the isles was set to be ravaged by scurvy – a disease caused by the lack of vitamin C.

North isles doctor Jimmy Smith went one further by giving locals advice on how to accept vitamins into their system once again.

“Don’t do it all at once,” the GP said. “After such a long period without fruit and vegetables, Shetlanders need to take it one step at a time.

“All the Tennent’s lager and cheap Prosecco currently lingering in the bloodstream of 97.5% of Shetland’s population after the festive period will also inhibit the acceptance of vitamins.”

6 Comments on "Shetland to avoid scurvy epidemic as boat brings fruit and veg"

  1. I’ve just done a tour of the aisles – fruitless……

  2. Now maybe tesco might consider stocking local fruit and vegetables coop had an abundance of it

  3. Laureen Buchana | 6th January 2016 at 9:12 am | Reply

    I would like to say that not all 97.5% of Shetlanders have alcohol lingering in their systems. I think your % is well out of order. Believe it or not some people in Shetland do not drink and pretty sure no small children consume alcohol.

  4. It has come to the attention of the General Public due to an American Leek from Orange County that there is 10 x more vitamin C in our home grown Onions than in an Orange. There is now a threat of Stampeeding Scurvy Fearing Yokels in All Native Keel Yards. My advice is Lock up your Onions just in case 🙂

  5. Gillies Mercy whaar is yun onions

    • Glybies Mercy | 26th May 2016 at 10:52 am | Reply

      apparently there wis an underground store in voxter dat ructantly eventually released dem onto d public efter 30 days, probably after hearing scurvy suffering protestors singing at an all night vigil d hop night ootside d baked tattie shop in Lerrik ‘Let our onions go’ Folk should grow their own in window boxes next year to mak sure they dunno fin themselves in dis predicament ageen.

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