WHALSAY – After threatening yesterday to deport Whalsay residents due to their poor English skills, the UK PM has today performed a major U-turn.
A deal has been struck with the Whalsay population allowing them a stay of execution – as long as a pig farm is opened and maintained in Symbister.
The PM’s new holiday home will be in Huxter and will have a dedicated taxi linking the home to the ferry and the farm.
A local resident said: “Oink’ant believe dis, we were all set to be shipped aff tae Hull until wir dearest island leaders, da Boteeng Club Camittee, saved wis aa from a terrible fate. I will personally pan ony photographers wha try to get pictirs o whit ‘DC’ gits up tae on da pig faerm.”
A Boteeng Club Camittee spokesman said it was “Cameron’s description o wir speech as ‘basic grunts’ dat geed wis da idea. Muckin’ aboot wi pigs is no my idea o’ fun, but we hid tae find a wye o’ stayin’ i da isle.”