Man’s “Not Tunnocks” knocks stewardess

A Loganair stewardess was reportedly left reeling with shock after a man on a flight to Sumburgh didn’t choose the Tunnock’s milk chocolate wafer option when she offered him a snack.

The man, who asked not to be named, said he had chosen a Stoats porridge bar in an absent-minded moment of madness.

As he left the aircraft he complained of feeling “strangely unfulfilled” and vowed never to make the same mistake again.

He also dubbed the stingy stewardess a “one water wonder” for only handing out one minuscule carton of H2O to those who asked for water.

“What kind of sullen killjoy wouldn’t give you two cartons?” he fumed.

The man’s irritation was compounded by having flown in one of Flybe/Loganair’s new purple-liveried planes. He said it felt like being trapped inside a phallic symbol of all things UKIP.

“Nobody should be forced to use a mode of transportation that brings to mind Nigel Farage in a state of arousal,” he added.

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